Sunday, May 16, 2010

Serenity Now!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I'm not a mother. I don't know anyone named Timmy but I do have to scream or laugh profusely for no apparent reason. I feel deliriously stressed. I can totally relate to our dear cartoon mother. And yes, I just typed totally. I'll be sure to include the word tubular at another point in time.

Anyway, they say planning a wedding is stressful --- eh, not really. What stresses me out is thinking about the actual day. What stresses me, an introvert out is realizing there are going to be about 122 people staring and chatting for 6 - 7 hours straight. I'm sure I will love each and every one of them. Unfortunately I freak out every time I have to be surrounded by large groups of people. Well, I'll be honest - I even hesitate when one person is approaching me.  But don't worry, I've never made a scene. I just go to the bathroom and have an anxiety attack or eat about 20 pieces of chocolate in one sitting.

I've always been this way but either I'm noticing it more or my "condition" has gotten worse with the passing of years. I never had anxiety attacks when I was a teenager but I used to drink alcohol back then to ease the tension. Bring on the beer!

The other thing that is adding to my usual nuttiness is the fact that I've been planning this wedding according to what might be desired by the guests instead of what I want it to be. I don't want to wear a dress. I can't stand wearing dresses and I loathe wearing light colors. I'm extremely frugal so I don't want to pay tons of money for well - anything. Let's just make this short and say that my lists of "I don't want" is very large. I feel like a child throwing a tantrum except I'm keeping it bottled up inside.

In theory, a wedding is great. But I find what actually takes place to be so exhausting. I just want to look into my guy's eyes and say I do. That's all. I just want to be surrounded by immediate family and then I want to go hang out with them in an intimate setting. I guess I'm just boring. Let the fake characters in the movies have grand weddings. I rather have something simple, quiet and short.

I've lived with my guy for 6 years now. Let's face it we are married. We've already gone through the pretend I'm clean, pretend I'm sane act now we're at the when are you going to put the toilet seat down situation. Actually, I gave up on that one. I just don't care about those things anymore. So why go all out now? I've already celebrated.

I'm at the point in my life where I want to be celebrating the birth of a child. I just laughed inside. In reality I'm very freaked out about that too. My guy wants to start having children, (so he says) by next year. I like the idea of it but I'm not up for the whole giving birth thing. I think he should do it.  I'll come in later on to embrace our child after he's finished doing all the work.

After reading this post over I realize I sound like a complete jerk.'s the truth and there's no point in acting like I'm the most serene person in the world because that's just a waste of time and energy.

I suppose in the end I can see that I'm doing all of this because it's his day too. He wants all the guests and he wants to dress nice. I shouldn't complain that he cares and that he wants to tell his family how he feels about me. I'm lucky. So I'll put a sock in it and maybe I'll sneak in a beer before the wedding to loosen me up.

The Etsy listing pictured above is from the following shop:


Anika said...

Can you have both - the intimate feel with all the people? My husband and I threw a huge party after we got married and so were able to enjoy the festivities without the pressure. The guest seemed to like it too. I guess sometimes what becomes stressful isn't the actual events but the milestones in theory, you know? I love the magnet by the way...

Turtle Bead said...

An intimate wedding to me is something small, with people I know and love. Most of the people attending my wedding are strangers. The act of getting married, although it is a milestone isn't really something that causes me stress because I already feel like I've been married for six years. I just get a lot of anxiety when there are loads of people around me - especially for something that I consider to be a personal event.

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